Remember the song, "Turning Japanese" with the lyrics: "I'm turning Japanese. I think I'm turning Japanese. I really think so"? It is a song by the English band, The Vapours, and has been explained by the band members as an angst ridden song about a boy continuously staring at a picture of his lost girlfriend and, as a result, he starts to turn into something unexpected, in this case Japanese. As unbelievably catchy as the tune is (try getting it out of your head now) the song is not as helpful as one might have first expected given its title. Upon closer inspection of the lyrics, and with the objectivity that comes with not, currently, being a love-angsty teenager (sad, as those were good days), "Turning Japanese" fails to explain exactly what signs to look out for should you think you are becoming Japanese, or in my case, Korean. So, I have developed my own list of what the tell-tale signs are (12) that might indicate you may be in fact turning Korean.
I will be confident that I am turning Korean when:
- I attack (with a certain firm kindness) random babies/small children and proceed to adjust their hats, coats, socks etc., pull their chubby cheeks and then barrage their mum with information on the status of their baby, i.e. your baby is cold, hungry, wet, tired, and is a boy even though she is clearly a girl!
- I happily pay well over five dollars for a cup of coffee and then spend the rest of the day in the warmth of the cafe that has free, fast wi-fi, heating, music and no-one questioning me after five hours or so whether I have somewhere else to go or need to order something else.
- I meticulously rearrange my food/drink at said cafe (even if it is just a cup of coffee or slice of cake) and proceed to take a few photos of it before beginning to consume.
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| this morning's cup of coffee |
- I have no hesitation in joining the metro stampede onto the train so as to bag that one empty seat and I do this while never raising my head from my mobile phone and continuing to text frantically.
- I have no need for personal space in public places.
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| this is not peak hour |
- I bow my head upon entering and leaving anywhere, including especially at car park attendants.
- I carry out my weekly food shop at at least four different places one of which includes fruit off the back of a truck down a secret alley-way.
- I know never to be the first to embark upon crossing the road when the little man turns green (sometimes this can lead to an awkward stand-off between people as everyone waits for someone else to sacrifice themselves).
- I am unbelievably generous to complete strangers and will happily hand out candy, biscuits, umbrellas, camping mats, and advice on which train is best to take. I will return found mobile phones that day and am perfectly comfortable with leaving my bag, wallet, phone, computer on the communal cafe table as I step out to the make-up shop, order coffee, run to bathroom etc., safe in the knowledge it will all be there when I return. Because it will be.
- When I get older I will wear fluorescent hiking gear for a quick walk to the shops.
- I always look fabulous, like always (seriously how is this possible?), even if it means some re-doing of hair, make-up, or clothing adjustments while on train/bus/in front of shop window (see point 5).
- I willingly love match with my partner. What is a better expression of one's love and devotion than identical jeans? Perhaps only topped by a sweater that clearly states fidelity!
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| super |
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| same sweater from the front (if only she took her jacket off) |
Soul to Seoul: Almost one year in and I have a long way to go before I turn Korean (11 and 12 in particular are proving hard to accomplish and I am beginning to get really strange looks as I carry my laptop to the bathroom with me).
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