I’m not sure I can write honestly
that I had a better week than last but I do have some entertaining stories to
tell, mostly about me and how humiliation just seems so inexplicably determined
to follow me around. This is what I learnt about Korea, and myself, this week.
There is a K-Pop Tour bus – I will go on it. I think it sounds more exciting than New World Tour,
Shingong Tour, New Shingong Tour, Anywhere Express Tour, Lovely Day Tour, White
Tour, New Airline Express Tour or Gongbeok Tour.
Kim Yu-na, Korea’s figure
skater darling, placed second to a Russian figure skater at the Sochi Olympics.
Apparently, in the past this could have been a national disaster (athletes have
previously apologized for “letting the country down” when finishing second or
third). But this year, the wave of support for Kim Yu-na, irrespective of her
result, was uplifting. Support for her efforts was palpable,
particularly on social media with the phrase "Thank you,Yu-na" top spot for almost a day on Naver, South Korea's Google like equivalent. My favourite was the ending of the
editorial in one of the daily newspapers: “Yu-na, we thank you and love you.” I like a country where the
focus is on the athletes amazing and impressive achievements, not simply medals.
I
wish I could figure skate.
When you get your hair done at
the hairdressers, don’t feel intimidated by the fact that the two hairdressers
sit down either side of you to spend the first thirty minutes doing their own hair.
The next thirty minutes, in-between laughing at your hair, will be spent on applying their
make-up. When it finally comes to doing your hair, chair chat will be all about Kim
Yu-na and they will hug you when you confirm to them that you are not Russian
(because of the figure skating controversy). You will then enter their
inner circle and spend two hours at the hairdressers, eating kim bap, drinking
tea and engaging in conversation (that you don’t understand because it is all
in Korean). They will then blow-dry your hair until it is full, high and
coiffed just like a true Korean adjuma (maybe not so good if your next
appointment is a photo shoot – see below).
Eating in department stores is
a communal, culinary adventure. I ate next to a charming man in a very
expensive looking suit and across from an elderly lady dressed only in fur and
pearls. We had a lovely lunch together. He had noodle soup. She had bim bim bap. I
had dumplings. We did not talk but we were happy.
That the refrain of the anthem
for the Disney movie, Frozen, “Let it go. Let it go.” becomes
incredibly annoying when your three year old runs around the house singing it
non-stop (punctuated only by bouts of “I want an iPad.”).
Statistics to note
about Frozen:
- it is now the second most viewed foreign film of all time in Korea;
- Korea is second only to the United States in terms of numbers having watched the film;
- "Let it Go" has topped all of the major music charts in South Korea, including being on top of the Melon list (Korean music list) for two weeks - the longest ever for a foreign-language song and the song has spawned countless covers (see K-Pop covers of Frozen); and
- Frozen's soundtrack has now surpassed Les Miserables (a feat which no-one thought was ever possible as Korea loves Les Mis - check out this parody by the South Korea's Airforce from last year 2013 Youtube ROK Airforce Les Mis parody
Koreans don’t need more mobile
phones, as bored man in mouse suit supposed to be selling mobile phones
highlights. He had so obviously given up excitedly yelling about products in
the shop and was now happy to just lounge about, using the microphone to practice his karaoke (quite possibly he was singing it “Let it Go”
but I could not get close enough to confirm (irrational fear of all men in
mouse suits)).
That you can drive
with a witch’s hat type cone (used across Korea as a “Do not park here unless
you pay man sitting in lounge chair somewhere nearby lots of money”) under the
front right wheel of your car. But you can’t drive very well.
That Starbucks should have more square tables as I don’t like typing off round tables.
That I pose like a man. This
week I had to get a profile shot taken. This would be my first professional photo shoot since Year 12, when I was
17 and my ridiculously good looking high school friends (them, not me)
organised a group photo shoot with a professional photographer. My friends were
(are) far too good looking and were easily able to stare down the camera and
pose like a woman. I could not. To this day, I am still haunted by the
photographer’s attempt to take a picture of me in a too tight red dress
skulking (I can’t call it posing as it wasn’t) by the East Ringwood railway
line. (Part of the blame lies with my Year 8 netball team, when we decided that
we would be extra fast if we always caught and threw the ball with an open
mouth. I have not been able to close it since when playing any ball-sport or
when getting my photo taken.)
Back to this week’s photo and I was expecting
just a simple shot on a stool. How wrong of me. The good-looking 20 something
Korean male photographer (just to add to the intimidation) wanted me to pose
like a model, prancing around the set, contorting my face and body into various
postures while he snapped away. We quickly discovered that I have only three
poses. One with my arms crossed, one with my hands on my hips and one with my
hands clasped at the front. All with my mouth open. He didn’t like any of
these. Question: what is more humiliating - being told you pose like a man or,
when attempting to pose more “softly”, photographer trying to desperately stop
himself from laughing and telling me to go back to posing like a man?
Once the (painful) shooting was over, we then looked at the
pictures on the computer to select a shot. Good-looking 20 something
year old male photographer begins cropping. Then he starts typing words into
Google Translator. I am not sure what Korean to English word he was searching
for but when Google Translator kept throwing out words like: wide, tight, full,
pretzel, big, ample, immense, broad, heavy, elephantine and whale-like, I think
I got the picture. I have no need for Google Translator in my life. Then came
the discussion about Photoshop. Where would I like it? What do I need from it?
I said no, I would not like it. He said, in that Korean way of completely
ignoring what you have just said, “Yes. I agree. You shall have it for your
hair.” Sigh.
Last lesson for the week: It's
best to not leave the house with three children under seven if you are tired,
grumpy, sick, just generally feeling not very happy as it will end in disaster.
Actually, even if you are feeling the love it won’t last long when confronted
with 7 year old screaming about a sore lip so can’t swim, 5 year old screaming
about sore ear and needing to swim and 3 year old just generally screaming
because apparently one sausage is not enough and she must have more (as well as
an iPad for her birthday). I should take advice from Queen Elsa and “Let it go.”
